I grew up in a ward with a bunch of active girls. In fact if you were going to pick one of us who went to activities least, it was me. I didn't think making cookies for someone or writing letters to missionaries or playing games was worth my time...especially when the boys were boating or hiking Havasupai. Wednesday night mutual was not my thing. However I loved the class on Sunday and I really really loved my leaders. Pretty sure I gave some of them a hard time about the cookie thing and for that I am truly sorry...kind of. So as a baby laurel I thought how wonderful it would be to run the show. To be an adult and get the coveted church calling of Young women's leader. Not going to lie I waited a long time for it to come anxiously waiting my turn. In November last year I got it. I got the prime spot as Mia Maid leader. No one has ever been more excited for a calling than I was on that day. Immediately I started planning class activities. The list looked like this:
Car maintenance night
Career aptitude testing
Book club
Murder Mystery party
How to night (write a check, use an ATM, fill out a job application etc.)
Art museums
cultural education night
save all the refugee night
Short story writing contest
Study the constitution and learn about Abagail Adams
Epic Galentines day party
Never ever Make cookies...…
You get my drift? In my head I was going to plan all the activities I had wanted to do as a youth. I understand that my list is unusual. But as a newbie to the Young women's leader club I figured this was completely plausible and that my Mia Maids were going to be so cultured and well rounded by the time I was through with them.
The best part of the calling is the other leaders. I have 6 new best friends that I'm pretty much in constant communication with....because I want to be. They all offer something different and good. I can honestly say I love them all. My pro list for this calling is miles long. I adore my girls. Not just the mia maids...all of them! I think about them, I love them, I pray for them, I care about every aspect of their lives....they probably think i'm obnoxious! They think dance parties are fun...they are interesting and smart and battle real life problems and deal with things I never did. I admire them so much.
The con is not being able to give them pinterest perfect activities and parties every single week. The con is the weight gain from trying to keep up with all the junk food they eat, and its feeling like I come up short and not doing good enough. Forget mom guilt cause this leader guilt is pretty heavy too. ok ok ok mom guilt wins but still. I couldn't go to girls camp. It was so hard not to be with them! I didn't think I cared that they were there and I wasn't until the week of! I called my mom in absolute breakdown mode about not fulfilling my calling and not supporting them bla bla bla. Lucky for me my mom can put out a melt down in under three minutes by saying
"You do the best you can. You juggle many hats and you are doing great ."
I'm learning how to be frugal, how to make things meaningful, how to listen, how to embrace simple, and how to fulfill their list of activities and not mine.
But enough preamble because lets talk about tonight.
Tonight we had a recognition night for the girls who have completed their personal progress. THIS IS A BIG DEAL! Completing that program is difficult and time consuming and stretches you emotionally. It deserves a beautiful night.
That is exactly what tonight was.
Sundays usually leave me feeling uplifted and renewed. Today in particular was like that. Church was amazing. The classes and meetings I attended were Mormon message ideal. I came home from church ready to be better. Read my scriptures more, pray smarter, be kinder and more forgiving, increase my patience with Gemma....I wasn't feeling guilty...just renewed. Then Joe left for a trip immediately after church. I knew I would need to conquer the rest of the day on my own wearing the mom hat and the Young women's leader hat simultaneously. Some of the girls came over to help me prepare food for this evenings recognition night and it was so fun. I love listening to them talk and tell me about their lives. When they left Gemma decided to take off all her clothes and her hair and paint.....we needed to be at the church in 20 minutes to set up the decorations with the rest of the leaders. At this point my PMS kicks in high gear i.e. hot flashes, tears irritability and the desperate need for a soft pretzel and a salad and cramps that are radiating my knee caps. But I usher her into her clothes and into the car. Once at the church Gemma wont stop touching me. Climbing on me. Yelling at me....Granted poor baby has had zero attention and in the back of my head I know this but I'm not that nice or patient to her as I try to be of some help. When we get home I make her lazy mom dinner, and begin making hot fudge for part of the dessert when I realize I don't have a key ingredient. Once again I am ushering her back to the car in one hundred degrees to go track down this ingredient. It took a while and by the time we got home we were both cranky and sweaty. I put her in front of the TV (again) So I can get the fudge made, reapply makeup as I have now sweat it all off and I need to cover up the acne that really should not happen in one's LATE TWENTIES!, change clothes, and load up the car. Loading up the car meant three cheese cakes a pan of chocolate dipped strawberries, three cake stands, jars of sauce, two water jugs, and Gemma.
The giant Costco box I packed the cakes in doesn't fit anywhere and I wedge it in my car wrong. Yanking pulling and begging the cake to get in the damn car I fit it in my front seat. Next I stupidly take all three beautiful white cake stands to the car when my sweet little toddler whams into me at full force wanting to play and I drop one. My favorite one. As I hear it touch ground and watch it shatter into eight million pieces I dramatically scream in, I swear, slow motion
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
I stand there open mouthed for what feels like eternity. Sweat is running down my back, my face, my bra.....all the places. Gemma is crying, I am crying, My dog is running down the street and I need to be at the church in three minutes. Miraculously Sookie comes bounding back home, sensing my distress and goes inside, I hand Gemma an otterpop and we get in the car. I am determined to make this night perfect and I will not let PMS win and I will NOT LET MY HAPPY RENEWED MOOD BE RUINED DAMNIT!
The next hour goes down without a hitch. G and I stay in the kitchen and serve the cheese cake onto plates so it will be ready to go, I chug a liter of DR. Pepper and down a handful of midol and we carry on! We even got to sit in the meeting and listen for a few minutes. The girls each took a few minutes to say why they loved personal progress and what it meant for them. The feels return and Gemma hugs me tight and whispers
"I love you Mom"
So all is right in the world.
We serve dessert, people are mingling, and talking and smiling. G has found some other kids to play with so I sit down and congratulate myself on a day well managed. See, I can do it all. ..the night was an absolute success.
Oh sweet little naive Young women's leader...you aint done yet!
I hear a blood curdling scream from somewhere is the church building. I know it is Gemma. I recognize that scream. My hairs stand on end and I bolt to find her. She has been playing with some of the kids in the cultural hall and has decided to try jumping dare I say flying off the stage. It didn't go well. She isn't seriously hurt but her pride is. She is embarrassed and rattled. I scoop her up in my arms and her cries turn into hyperventilation. She then pees all over me and I know my number is up. Leaving my two remaining cake stands, and other gear behind I rush us to the car where we both just hold each other and cry. Gemma sobs
"Mom I broke my body! I call daddy!"
Sounds like a good idea to me so I facetime joe. I smile at him and tell him we flopped hard. We tried but we flopped and are headed home to lick our wounds and eat gelato in the tub. He says all the things nice supporting traveling husbands can say and we head home.
Nothing a bath and bed won't fix. As I am rushing around trying to get g happy and in bed. I feel so guilty for leaving, for missing most of the actual recognition night, for not helping to clean up, for being in a bad mood at the event, for dragging my three year old to recognition night and staying till meltdown hour (9:00 pm), for feeding her bad dinner.....But. I did the best I could. Feeling low and unsuccessful I am just about to tuck G in bed when the doorbell rings. It is the President of our Young women's returning my things. She is beaming and so excited and happy about how the evening played out. So many people came, the room was beautiful, the speakers knocked it out of the park....and that made all the difference. All the negativity I had been feeling subsided. Instead I'm feeling successful as I sweep up the shattered remains of my favorite Cake stand from my wedding off my driveway content and happy as can be. It was a special night for the girls and that was the point. G will sleep well and I'll feed her oatmeal in the morning, cake stands are replaceable, Baths will be had and in the end it was all worth it.
It's comical. I find it comical. My idea of what this calling would be is not reality. Being a Young Women's leader is not beautiful invitations and parties, it's not throwing life altering class activities, or killer handouts for each lesson, or spending tons of money...it's teaching them how to gain a testimony, reach goals, learn about the savior, and support them. Its giving them your honesty, stories, love, and talents. Man...I love every second of this. I keep thinking about some of my favorite Young Women's leaders. Now I know they thought about me and prayed for me and gave all they could for me and I can't wait to hug them extra when I am in Arizona next week.
All of me is exhausted and worn out after a busy week and busy day. Every inch of my house needs to be picked up and cleaned. But all my hats are heavy and gelato is calling my name. I did the best I could and the collective outcome between all seven leaders was amazing. That's the point right?!
xoxo
c
