I jinxed myself today. I said out loud to no one in particular,
"I am so glad this month is just about over. I can't handle one more thing going wrong." Don't. Tempt. God. Not that I believe God wants to hurt me or has it out for me...in fact I believe he keeps sending me more and more to attend to in order to show me jut how strong I am. Perhaps that is why I can sit here calmly wrapped in a blanket writing this. My anxiety is even at bay. This has been one of the most difficult months of our entire marriage...thus far. Not because we suddenly don't like each other I mean I feel like I have hardly seen him but because as the cliche goes "when it rains it pours".
I keep thinking about the coke in my fridge and huge double chocolate chip cookies on the counter. I wish I could magically make them appear. Seems like that should and could happen it being Harry Potter's birthday and all. Speaking of magic I love serendipity. It is my word. I have wanted it inscribed on my body for years. Serendipity means: the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. As bad as this month may seem it has been filled of Serendipity. Lets start off with Joe deciding and magically being able to fly standby on a flight home one day earlier than he was suppose to. Technically I should be picking him up from the airport right now. So glad he was home. G has been so sick all week but today perked up some! On top of that my sister's insomniac children all went to sleep tonight which is a miracle unto itself.....she lives so close and happily took G so I could take care of Joe. Gemma Loves being at Aunt Rachel's house. Three doting cousins, a dog and a kitty to play with! Every time we pull into the drive way Gemma says "ooooh" and claps her hands. I am so lucky! My wonderful sweet friend rounded up her husband and brother n law to rush to the hospital to give Joe a blessing minutes before they took him to surgery. Not sure who wanted Joe to have a blessing more...me or Joe. As nervous as I am, and as much as I hated watching them wheel him away from me...I am selfishly grateful for sometime to sit in the quiet and think and pray and be. Quiet time is very important to me. I am a private person and I need to be able to sort through all my thoughts. That hasn't been a thing this month. There is no one else in this waiting room. There may not be anyone else on this whole floor! It is calm and peaceful. Two things I have never felt in a hospital.
Joe has been In surgery for 30 minutes. Feels like an eternity. I wish I could be in the OR holding his hand. We both do "nervous talking" when we are...well nervous so put us in an awkward or uncomfortable situation together and we are down right hilarious. As we were waiting he said
"hold my hand"
I did
"now when people ask what we did this weekend we can say we were on a date because we are holding hands."
I love him.
I wish I had a pair of socks. My mom would have reminded me to bring socks. I did however remember a jacket. It is 1:15 in the morning. I have been so tired and craving three hours of sleep in a row for a month and now that I have the opportunity to I can't close my eyes. also this is not a good time to be binge watching Greys Anatomy. I keep thinking about George and is first appi.
I feel like such a millennial taking a selfie as I wait for my husband to come out of surgery but I kind of thought it was funny how the filters couldn't hide my un-showered unwashed baggy eye self. I should have done black and white eh? I smell as pretty as I look.
I know that this post is random and strange but I needed to write this out. No matter how jumbled it may all seem.
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