Finding the Fun

My little sister introduced me to the blogger The Alison Show a few months ago. She dances all the time has crazy clothes guzzles diet coke throws all girl dance parties and makes cookies. Basically I love her. I even got to go to her Merbabe party with my sister and her friends.  While I enjoy her Instrgram posts and blog posts it's her new Podcast that has me all heart eyes. She and her husband produce a new episode each week. I started episode one while getting ready one day but I had to stop so I could write down little snippets of what she was saying on post it notes. On one of her episodes the topic is fun. She said "the fun is in you" and I may have started to cry. I am not sure if I have ever been "fun". I have a very fun family though. My big sisters are fun my mom is fun my dad is hilarious....my little sister steals the show and can turn anything into fun....and then there is me. I am the most emotional the most serious and the biggest people pleaser. Now I am in the stage of life where I feel like I clean cook take care of Gemma everyday. It is fulfilling work. It is good work. Having my family brings me joy...but is it fun? not always. The last few months I have felt like I FINALLY have a rhythm as a mom. I know I am not a "new mom" but...I am. I have never done this before! Gemma and I are getting into a routine and she is very patient with me as I stumble around and figure this out. I am getting good at leaving her with a babysitter, leaving her at night without putting her to bed myself. So with my new freedom I have tried to add things into my life that are fun. I joined a kickboxing gym, I chopped my hair, started being brave enough to buy clothes with color, writing a little bit, slowly decorating my house (it's only been four years) and trying to loosen up a little bit. I don't think I was always this uptight but after having Gemma my inner control freak takes over a lot. I am trying to add more fun into my life. I have even tried to make adult friends! Which has never ever been hard for me. I have always had so many close friends and lots of them! Now I feel like an island. Thank goodness for my sister who lives ten minutes away. She is my lifeline. Still....I would really like to have a few friends with a baby doing the mom thing...like me. I am learning though that it takes two people to have a friendship and we are all busy. It takes effort to incorporate someone else into your world. I am trying it out. I'll let you know if it works! But I digress....

On the Podcast Alison asks "think about times in your life you truly had fun". So here it goes.

1. I went to Vegas with two of my sister last year to see Britney Spears (cross that off the bucket list) Lay by the pool and eat... a lot. It was SO much fun. Dressing up and going out was SO fun. I hadn't done that in a really long time. Staying at a nice hotel and getting ready with my sisters was so much fun, buffets...FUN.

2. Going to Mexico with my parents and sister for Christmas the year before I got married. We rode four wheelers and drank Pina Coladas...I think I read like five non school related books. That trip was fun

3. Working at the Bridal Store in college. I worked with my best friends. I loved going into the store and  getting paid to play real life dress up with strangers and hang out with the other girls who worked there. I loved the Bridal fairs, wearing black everyday, and learning about the bridal industry. I really love having a job. That job was fun. I would work Bridal retail again in a heartbeat.

4. Dating Joe. The whole experience. I loved that he would pick me up on a motorcycle and take me dancing. I loved that something as simple as going to dinner took hours. He has the best stories. For the first time in my life I was going to parties and dancing and everyday with him was fun. A lot of that has translated into our marriage. I remember telling my friend that I loved him because of who I was when I am with him....fun! I felt so out of my comfort zone and it was amazing. I didn't know a relationship could be like that.

5. Being part of Model UN in high school. I loved being surrounded by so many smart people. I wasn't great at the speeches...but I loved learning about world issues and politics. I loved feeling passionate about women's rights, world health, and other topics. I loved traveling with the team. Definitely the most fun I had in high school. I miss it. I miss feeling that passionate.

6. Reading/buying books and writing A+ papers. Oh man I miss writing essays. I LOVE writing essays. I use to read two plus books a week. Now it is something like maybe two books a month. I miss ordering a massive book list on Amazon. Pure Joy. That was fun. When I had those professors that assigned the most amazing essays that brought out a self reflection I didn't know I needed. I would do My English Degree again in a heartbeat.

So here I sit wondering how I could make some part of everyday fun. I think it is a mindset. I think I can choose to make my normal life activities into something fun. Music and dancing it out is something that was a norm at one point in my life. I want to bring it back. I use to really enjoy baking but have been stuck in an unadventurous baking rut for a year or two. Writing for myself would be fun for me. It is so hard to free write. It is not my talent. When I am given a topic I can run with that. Time to work on it. I keep seeing girls on instgram running successful etsy shops or fashion blogs and I feel jealous I don't have those skills....then I remember my talent is writing and it is my own dang fault for not practicing. The fun is in me and I really want to find it. Life can feel like a wheel of days that all feel the same sometimes but I don't think it is meant to...it's just easier. But I think by working to add a ripple here and there takes effort but can be completely worth it.

My plan? Getting off my phone and watching other people have fun and getting out of my comfort zone. Get out and Do! dance it out, wear crazy colors, do something for myself and hopefully write it all down.