I Ate All The Neighbor Gifts

I never participate in the neighbor Christmas gift exchange...mostly because I never get my act together to make them, assemble them, and deliver them. The same goes for Christmas cards. This year I decided to buckle down and get them made. My Brainiac sister told me what she was doing so I copied her! I love it when that happens. So I assembled the nativity story and tied it together with a beautiful ornament and made homemade toffee to accompany the paper and piece of metal cause lets be honest...it is all about the treat. So I made three batches of homemade toffee. The bagging and ribbon tying process went something like this....

"A piece for the bag, and a piece for my mouth! A piece for the bag and two pieces for my mouth!"

I ate most of the neighbor candy but I managed to bag several for others. Well it has been a week and that toffee is still in my fridge. Kind of. You see as the days go on I find myself at the refrigerator carefully untying one bag and taking a small "nobody will miss this" piece and then replacing the bag. The next day I will choose a different bag to snack from until, alas, I HAVE EATEN ALL THE NEIGHBOR CANDY! If I look like I have gained weight you know why. So next year I will spare myself by Grinching it up and partaking of my neighbors delicious treats that THEY bring me...and not making treats for the neighbors because I need new jeans now....which I could have purchased with the money I used to buy butter...in bulk.  I told my dad this today and he laughed which made me laugh. When we were done laughing he said "you're kidding right?"

"Nope. And I'm all yours dad!"

Anyone else miss being a teenager at Christmas time? Or a kid? I do. My mom made Christmas so magical. So much baking and the house was beautiful and the stockings were legendary.  One year my dad stood on a ladder in the back of his truck to put Christmas lights on the house. Mom and I sat on the stairs ready to call 911 in case he fell. Now as the mom it is my job to provide the magic. However, I don't remember ever thinking my parents seemed tired at Christmas time or worn out...I'm assuming they were because I am so tired and worn out that I don't think I will make it to my bed. I will stay here under the Christmas tree in the fetal position. I was expressing these feelings of inadequacy and exhaustion...ok I was whining...to a dear friend last night. I asked her why she loves Christmas so much? Isn't she tired of the consumerism and the shopping and the cleaning and the baking? She laughed and her eyes actually twinkled as she said
"Oh its all worth it to watch my kids open their presents Christmas morning, and it is all worth it because Christmas brings out the best side of people, and it is all so so magical". This friend and I Marco Polo once in a while and I love listening to them in the car. A) her voice is happy and soothing B) she keeps it real C) it is like listening to a personalized podcast. So today I decided to keep what she said in mind. Notice the good, feel the Christmas spirit, play the obnoxious Christmas music, make the cookies, and wrap the presents all with the end goal being to bring the magic. It worked! I got to talk to Gemma about the meaning of Christmas and about the nativity in a way that she understood and listened too. We made cookies together and danced hard to Christmas Music. I felt it today. I felt that Christmas magic...and not just because I am two sizes bigger and take up more room, but because I did regular things with a different attitude. I think Gemma had a good day. She stayed up late so we could read all the books and talk. I feel incredibly blessed to have her spirit in my home.

Another wonderful inspiring friend I have has been meeting her children's school bus everyday for the past 15 days as a live elf on the shelf frozen in hilarious scenes. Emily the elf was at the spa, kissing booth, helping Santa with his list, on a beach, eating spaghetti with Buddy the Elf and many many more. Today was the last day. She asked her friends to come dressed as angels to help meet the bus for the final scene which was a nativity scene. Gemma and I got to participate and it was an incredible experience. On past days when the bus pulls up the kids throw down their windows and laugh and shout and point. Today they put their windows down and silently witnessed Santa Clause holding a beautiful baby while Mary, Joseph, angels, Shepherds, and wise men watched. On the way home Gemma asked why we were angels. I told her that when Jesus was born the angels in heaven were so excited they sang and told the shepherds to go find him in the stable and worship him. She replied "You and me were angles when Jesus was born and we sing REJOICE!" I share this so I don't forget it. It was a very tender moment I got to share with my sweet little girl who is so perceptive.

So cheers to you! Merry Christmas. Remember to keep the magic. Be kinder, let the car with his blinker light on over!, dance, and DON"T eat all the neighbor gifts.
C

God Lives In Hawaii

When Joe told me he would be out of town for our anniversary my heart dropped a little bit. I plastered on my supportive wife smile and told him it would be fine and we could celebrate when he got home. However he had something different in mind. Joe explained he would be going to Hawaii and that I was coming along. The next three weeks waiting for this trip felt like eternity. I had never been before and could not wait to get lay out in the warm sand and relax for a few days. Our short get away meant so much more to me than just a good tan.

We arrived in Waikiki late Thursday night. After strolling the beach we had a late dinner and listened to the waves crash. It felt so nice to have a slow dinner. After a few hours of sitting on the dark beach I started to feel something different. The anxiety was gone, the self doubt was gone, I felt that peace thing people talk about.

The next day Poor Joe had to work but lucky me explored Waikiki a bit but mostly laid on the beach and people watched...and bought myself an extravagant pineapple drink. But you know what? Hawaii me did not care because I knew it would make me so happy. Throw your credit card around like you just don't care! Sometimes money can buy happiness. So, I decided not to care that it was an obscene price to pay for a pineapple and just buy the damn thing so that I could fully embrace my inner tourist. So there I sat with my large fruity drink, floppy hat, and selfie stick completely  content.

I cannot tell you the last time I sat somewhere all alone completely unplugged. I really like to have music going, or a book, or TV at all time because it allows my brain to focus on something else instead of my own thoughts. That sounds dark and a tad confusing but it's what I have always done. For as long as I can remember I have had noise in the background while I did homework or cleaned or fell asleep so that My brain wouldn't wander down "anxiety paths". In Hawaii I sat on that beach with nothing but the waves and felt so calm and happy. Once I realized it had been four hours and I should probably eat or drink (you know...basic human maintenance stuff) I was shocked that I was able to sit that long completely happy. I found myself striking up casual conversations with strangers, playing in the ocean alone and happy, dancing along the street cause why not without a care or thought in the world. I have NEVER felt that free. As Joe and I watched the sunset...the sun was streaming through clouds in such a heavenly way...I thought,
"This is Where God Lives"
Next thing I know I am crying on the beach. My sweet husband thinks I'm adorable...I hope. In all seriousness though I was ready to build a hut and set up base camp right there on the beach because I had never felt like this before in my adult life.
The Next morning we had lunch over looking the ocean. Why can't we have Pog outside of Utah? I will be figuring out how to make it. It was suppose to be a rainy day and I was worried my last day in Hawaii would be spent outside but as we drove to the mermaid caves the sun came out and we enjoyed a few more hours on the beach and exploring the Mermaid cave. Joe planned horse riding on turtle beach for the afternoon. If you ever get the opportunity to do this I highly recommend it. It was a blast to go through the jungle of turtle island as well as the beach. The woman leading our trail ride told us she was from Colorado but visited Hawaii every year on vacation. After one trip she realized she was miserable in Colorado and that she was happy in Hawaii so she packed up her life and moved to Hawaii. I love stories like that...people who recognize what they want and where they feel happy and make it happen.
We finished the day on sunset beach. It was the perfect ending to our trip. We caught the red eye home to freezing Utah. It was an unforgettable trip. I cannot wait to go back.

Yoga Pants and Heels

I am about a month into this teaching gig and let me tell you it is the best thing I could have said yes to this year. Am I good at it yet?...nope! Does it still scare me? oh yeah baby and that is the best part! I have always been a lover of change and risk. Sometimes this is a strength while other times this is a weakness. In this case my risk loving heart did the right thing by saying yes to teaching orchestra.

Let me tell you about my week because this week has been my favorite so far! My beginning orchestra has now learned how to hold their instruments the right way and their notes! They are fast enthusiastic learners and I love seeing them twice a week. So on Tuesday I pulled out twinkle twinkle little star and taught them how to pluck it out on their violins and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed to see their faces after they all played together. It was genuinely difficult not to cry and jump up and down. I am incredibly proud of them. To make things even better I had my advanced orchestra sight read Vivaldi's autumn because I am trying to send all good juju into the universe to bring forth Autumn as quickly as possible. After we practiced in sections we put it together and it was breath taking. Not because it was perfect but because they played it together and it was glorious. I am so tempted to take them outside tomorrow and play it into the open air. I think it would make the wind a little more blustery. I am disorganized and sometimes overwhelmed but then they play together and it is the best feeling. I totally understand the love of teaching now. I understand the coke and candy stashes too. I love waking up twice a week and getting ready because I have a place to go and something important to do. Being a stay at home mom has been so hard for me and this job is the perfect balance of yoga pants and heels. I think I will look back and declare it my happiest time of life....so far.

Gemma is thriving at school. The uniform really makes it for me...she could not be cuter. She has the most amazing teachers who love her and think she's as funny as I do. I can't believe how much she has learned already. She is writing and learning up a storm. Other news on g is her ABBA obsession. It started in the spring when Joe bought her a dancing queen music box. She can now sing Waterloo, honey honey, andante, and her favorite...when I kissed the teacher. She's got the dance moves and everything. We decided to take her to see Mamma Mia 2 and it was a great decision. She sang and danced throughout the theater for the whole movie. Luckily the people around us thought she was darling and not obnoxious. She lights up our life. Three years old is my favorite age right now.  The things that come out of her mouth kill me. Yesterday Joe took her to see a movie so I could go to young women's. She came into my room and said:

"Mom, daddy is taking me on a date so I marry him now. Not your date mom...my date and my husband".

She takes sassy to a new level and I might encourage it. She's kind and considerate as well so I figure it all balances out. G did give me a scare a few weeks ago. I decided to take her on a hike. As we were headed back down she fell. I gave her a big squeeze and when she let go of me she had a seizure! We rushed back down the mountain and headed to the Children's Hospital. Apparently if kids fall hard enough, hit their heads, or get the wind knocked out of them they can have a seizure. It has been three weeks and she hasn't had another one so I am feeling less anxious about it. I have stopped sleeping on an air mattress by her bed so life is good. There is nothing in this world scarier than holding your baby and watching them seize being able to do absolutely nothing. my heart really empathizes with the mother's who deal with that on the daily. 

Joe has been traveling a lot lately and in his spare time we have been doing some big projects around the house. Doesn't sound super romantic but we love working together on the house. Maybe someday soon I'll get an actual date but for now late nights building shelves and laying bricks are pretty great. My life could be falling apart but I would be ok as long as I had Joe around. He makes our life fun and happy no matter what else is going on.

I would hate to jinx it but I am feeling so grateful for the cohesiveness of my life right now. Everyone is healthy, happy, and my candy cupboard is stocked...life is good. Speaking of my candy cupboard though...my mom was here for three weeks and helped me reorganize my kitchen. Get yoself a mama who comes over and cleans and organizes your life with you! She teaches me so much every time she visits. It has been a week since she left and I still enjoy opening all my kitchen cabinets just to look at it. My kitchen  is an OCD heaven. There are bins and extra space and everything has a home. I highly recommend trying it. All you do is take one cupboard at a time, empty it out onto the floor or counter, scrub the shelves and then look at each thing and decide if you need it or if you have used it within the last year. If so put it back if not throw it away. Want to know how many bags I threw away?...6! SIX glorious bags of clutter. It is funny what we hold onto. I am not much of a hoarder and tend to toss instead of store but I save the weirdest things. Such as college notebooks, high school handouts from history class (because heart eyes and I'm pretty sure I am a history major trapped in my English major body), boxes, museum brochures, concert tickets....weird stuff that is mostly garbage but every year new things become more important and the old seems easier and easier to let go. It is a beautiful part of growing up. 

Growing up! I am not seventeen. I still sometimes picture myself as seventeen and then have a shocking reality check that I'm a married lady with a baby and a mortgage. I wonder if that shock ever goes away. I have started to develop fine lines around my eyes. I blame Arizona and my abhorrence of sunblock but there they are. They really bother me. I mentioned this to my mom and she said 

"oh Collett don't even start. You are a 20 something year old! fine lines my foot."

See...you need my mom in your life. She reminded me of that quote by Marjorie Hinckley

I guess this includes my "fine lines". I am all about embracing and accepting right now and let me tell you...life is happier when you recognize that everyone is battling something including yourself so let everyone have a little room. 

xoxo

c

P.S. if you are in need of something fabulous to drink my latest obsession is:

coke zero

a splash of coconut coffee creamer

on the rocks

try it!

You're the Cutest and the Smartest

I love school. I think I planned on staying at BYU forever. Gemma put a stop to that but I enjoyed my experience for as long as I possibly could. When school supplies hit the store shelves I get actual goosebumps. No one gets more excited over new pencils than I do. Last year I spent quite a bit of money on school supplies for no reason other than the fact that they made me happy. Every fall since graduating has felt less exciting without back to school shopping. So I did something about it.

Tomorrow G and I are going to school! Gemma will be attending pre-school at American Heritage of South Jordan and I will be the new Orchestra teacher! We are both so excited. Gemma has been talking about going to school since May. ***note to self: never tell Gemma about an upcoming event until the night before.*** I have been preparing lesson plans and collecting ideas for a few months. I have been studying conductors and musicians and after all this prep work I have come to the conclusion that I got this and will learn as I go if I don't.  My middle school orchestra teacher, Mrs.Willaims said

 "Fake it till you make it! Smile! This is suppose to be fun!"

I love this and say it often, even now years later. I had my dear friend make me a sign that says fake it till you make it for my classroom. Mrs Willaims taught us to respect each other, respect the piece, and respect the art. I loved her. As her seventh grade student you just knew that by the time you were in ninth grade you would be able to play in an orchestra and it would sound good. She was inspiring, and happy, and good. I want to be that kind of Orchestra teacher. I went to Arizona this summer and she made time to see me and help me. She looks the same and sounds the same. She makes her students feel talented and loved. I will be channeling Mrs. Williams vibes this year. If I resemble her in the smallest way as a teacher then I will consider myself a successful orchestra teacher.

Middle school and high school are demanding in many regards. Orchestra always felt like home base. I knew what to do, I could do it, and the same kids were next to me year after year (cheers to Cozette my favorite stand partner). In high school especially I relied on my orchestra family.

High school gave me Dr. Temme. He made orchestra so much fun. Whether he was dangling over the stage for Mission Impossible or staggering around the audience dressed like a drunk pirate from Pirates of the Caribbean or dressed in a tux pleading with us to do better, try harder, and taking us to every festival he could, he was consistently passionate. I could rely on him to be honest and helpful. His classroom was always open to hide in, to play in, or eat lunch in. Temme told us to put on our ugly black concert dresses and get lost in the performance. He was magnificent. Thank goodness I stuck with the violin long enough to experience his class.

I never wanted to be a teacher. My mom told me for years that I would be a great English Teacher and I blew it off. However, after a week of teacher prep surrounded by teachers 800 times more experienced than I am...I caught the buzz. My definition of "teacher" took on a different meaning. I am a part-time orchestra teacher and I felt swamped this week with preparation...you should see some of these teacher's classrooms, and handouts, and prep. Their passion for being teachers is palpable. I am once again saying you were right mom...I wish I was rubbing shoulders with these people everyday in a larger capacity. I would be so lucky to be an English teacher at American Heritage! How lucky I am to be participating in the role of Orchestra teacher. I hope I can provide all the skills and safety my orchestra teachers provided me with.

My mom just texted me "good luck tomorrow! You're the cutest and the smartest" which is what she told me everyday before school. So now that the magic words have been said that guarantee a good day, I know I am as ready as I can be.  Feeling all the anticipation a kid can feel before the first day of school. The bouquets of pencils are sharpened, backpacks are packed, and prayers are said. I cannot wait for this new experience. All that's left is to rock this!

I'm Still a Mia Maid

I haven't blogged in a while. I have felt uninspired in my writing, but today was just too good not to share. I will write a catch up of our lives later.

I grew up in a ward with a bunch of active girls. In fact if you were going to pick one of us  who went to activities least, it was me. I didn't think making cookies for someone or writing letters to missionaries or playing games was worth my time...especially when the boys were boating or hiking Havasupai. Wednesday night mutual was not my thing. However I loved the class on Sunday and I really really loved my leaders. Pretty sure I gave some of them a hard time about the cookie thing and for that I am truly sorry...kind of. So as a baby laurel I thought how wonderful it would be to run the show. To be an adult and get the coveted church calling of Young women's leader. Not going to lie I waited a long time for it to come anxiously waiting my turn. In November last year I got it. I got the prime spot as Mia Maid leader. No one has ever been more excited for a calling than I was on that day. Immediately I started planning class activities. The list looked like this:

Car maintenance night
Career aptitude testing
Book club
Murder Mystery party
How to night (write a check, use an ATM, fill out a job application etc.)
Art museums
cultural education night
save all the refugee night
Short story writing contest
Study the constitution and learn about Abagail Adams
Epic Galentines day party
Never ever Make cookies...…

You get my drift? In my head I was going to plan all the activities I had wanted to do as a youth. I understand that my list is unusual. But as a newbie to the Young women's leader club I figured this was completely plausible and that my Mia Maids were going to be so cultured and well rounded by the time I was through with them.

The best part of the calling is the other leaders. I have 6 new best friends that I'm pretty much in constant communication with....because I want to be. They all offer something different and good. I can honestly say I love them all. My pro list for this calling is miles long. I adore my girls. Not just the mia maids...all of them! I think about them, I love them, I pray for them, I care about every aspect of their lives....they probably think i'm obnoxious! They think dance parties are fun...they are interesting and smart and battle real life problems and deal with things I never did. I admire them so much.

The con is not being able to give them pinterest perfect activities and parties every single week. The con is the weight gain from trying to keep up with all the junk food they eat, and its feeling like I come up short and not doing good enough. Forget mom guilt cause this leader guilt is pretty heavy too. ok ok ok mom guilt wins but still. I couldn't go to girls camp. It was so hard not to be with them! I didn't think I cared that they were there and I wasn't until the week of! I called my mom in absolute breakdown mode about not fulfilling my calling and not supporting them bla bla bla. Lucky for me my mom can put out a melt down in under three minutes by saying

"You do the best you can. You juggle many hats and you are doing great ."

 I'm learning how to be frugal, how to make things meaningful, how to listen, how to embrace simple, and how to fulfill their list of activities and not mine.

But enough preamble because lets talk about tonight.

Tonight we had a recognition night for the girls who have completed their personal progress. THIS IS A BIG DEAL! Completing that program is difficult and time consuming and stretches you emotionally. It deserves a beautiful night.
That is exactly what tonight was.

Sundays usually leave me feeling uplifted and renewed. Today in particular was like that. Church was amazing. The classes and meetings I attended were Mormon message ideal. I came home from church ready to be better. Read my scriptures more, pray smarter, be kinder and more forgiving, increase my patience with Gemma....I wasn't feeling guilty...just renewed. Then Joe left for a trip immediately after church. I knew I would need to conquer the rest of the day on my own wearing the mom hat and the Young women's leader hat simultaneously.  Some of the girls came over to help me prepare food for this evenings recognition night and it was so fun. I love listening to them talk and tell me about their lives. When they left Gemma decided to take off all her clothes and her hair and paint.....we needed to be at the church in 20 minutes to set up the decorations with the rest of the leaders. At this point my PMS kicks in high gear i.e. hot flashes, tears irritability and the desperate need for a soft pretzel and a salad and cramps that are radiating my knee caps. But I usher her into her clothes and into the car. Once at the church Gemma wont stop touching me. Climbing on me. Yelling at me....Granted poor baby has had zero attention and in the back of my head I know this but I'm not that nice or patient to her as I try to be of some help. When we get home I make her lazy mom dinner, and begin making hot fudge for part of the dessert when I realize I don't have a key ingredient. Once again I am ushering her back to the car in one hundred degrees to go track down this ingredient. It took a while and by the time we got home we were both cranky and sweaty. I put her in front of the TV (again) So I can get the fudge made, reapply makeup as I have now sweat it all off and I need to cover up the acne that really should not happen in one's LATE TWENTIES!, change clothes, and load up the car. Loading up the car meant three cheese cakes a pan of chocolate dipped strawberries, three cake stands, jars of sauce, two water jugs, and Gemma.

The giant Costco box I packed the cakes in doesn't fit anywhere and I wedge it in my car wrong. Yanking pulling and begging the cake to get in the damn car I fit it in my front seat. Next I stupidly take all three beautiful white cake stands to the car when my sweet little toddler whams into me at full force wanting to play and I drop one. My favorite one. As I hear it touch ground and watch it shatter into eight million pieces I dramatically scream in, I swear, slow motion
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
I stand there open mouthed for what feels like eternity. Sweat is running down my back, my face, my bra.....all the places. Gemma is crying, I am crying, My dog is running down the street and I need to be at the church in three minutes. Miraculously Sookie comes bounding back home, sensing my distress and goes inside, I hand Gemma an otterpop and we get in the car. I am determined to make this night perfect and I will not let PMS win and I will NOT LET MY HAPPY RENEWED MOOD BE RUINED DAMNIT!

The next hour goes down without a hitch. G and I stay in the kitchen and serve the cheese cake onto plates so it will be ready to go, I chug a liter of DR. Pepper and down a handful of midol and we carry on! We even got to sit in the meeting and listen for a few minutes. The girls each took a few minutes to say why they loved personal progress and what it meant for them. The feels return and Gemma hugs me tight and whispers
"I love you Mom"
So all is right in the world.
We serve dessert, people are mingling, and talking and smiling. G has found some other kids to play with so I sit down and congratulate myself on a day well managed. See, I can do it all. ..the night was an absolute success.

Oh sweet little naive Young women's leader...you aint done yet!

I hear a blood curdling scream from somewhere is the church building. I know it is Gemma. I recognize that scream. My hairs stand on end and I bolt to find her. She has been playing with some of the kids in the cultural hall and has decided to try jumping dare I say flying off the stage. It didn't go well. She isn't seriously hurt but her pride is. She is embarrassed and rattled. I scoop her up in my arms and her cries turn into hyperventilation. She then pees all over me and I know my number is up. Leaving my two remaining cake stands, and other gear behind I rush us to the car where we both just hold each other and cry. Gemma sobs
"Mom I broke my body! I call daddy!"
Sounds like a good idea to me so I facetime joe. I smile at him and tell him we flopped hard. We tried but we flopped and are headed home to lick our wounds and eat gelato in the tub. He says all the things nice supporting traveling husbands can say and we head home.

Nothing a bath and bed won't fix. As I am rushing around trying to get g happy and in bed. I feel so guilty for leaving, for missing most of the actual recognition night, for not helping to clean up, for being in a bad mood at the event, for dragging my three year old to recognition night and staying till meltdown hour (9:00 pm), for feeding her bad dinner.....But. I did the best I could. Feeling low and unsuccessful I am just about to tuck G in bed when the doorbell rings. It is the President of our Young women's returning my things. She is beaming and so excited and happy about how the evening played out. So many people came, the room was beautiful, the speakers knocked it out of the park....and that made all the difference. All the negativity I had been feeling subsided. Instead I'm feeling successful as I sweep up the shattered remains of my favorite Cake stand from my wedding off my driveway content and happy as can be. It was a special night for the girls and that was the point. G will sleep well and I'll feed her oatmeal in the morning, cake stands are replaceable, Baths will be had and in the end it was all worth it.

It's comical. I find it comical. My idea of what this calling would be is not reality.  Being a Young Women's leader is not beautiful invitations and parties, it's not throwing life altering class activities, or killer handouts for each lesson, or spending tons of money...it's teaching them how to gain a testimony, reach goals, learn about the savior, and support them. Its giving them your honesty, stories, love, and talents. Man...I love every second of this. I keep thinking about some of my favorite Young Women's leaders. Now I know they thought about me and prayed for me and gave all they could for me and I can't wait to hug them extra when I am in Arizona next week.

All of me is exhausted and worn out after a busy week and busy day. Every inch of my house needs to be picked up and cleaned. But all my hats are heavy and gelato is calling my name. I did the best I could and the collective outcome between all seven leaders was amazing. That's the point right?!

xoxo
c

Toothfully

Until I got married I saw the same dentist, Dr Taylor. I loved going to the dentist. He would check my bite each time I went in and would call everyone into the office to check out my perfect bite. He referred to me as The Goddess. I never needed braces are any other kind of metal assistance in my mouth. I just simply got my teeth cleaned and went on my way every six months. People thought I was weird for boldly declaring my love for the dentist...but nothing bad ever happened to me in that office. Now as I lay here in bed with an ice pack strapped to my face I can join the masses of people who hate the dentist.  Just as Dr. Taylor has since retired so has my Goddess status and adoration for the dentist chair.

Pregnancy does all kinds of weird things to your body. For me, pregnancy shrunk my hands and feet, switched up some hormones, and has made jumping on a trampoline impossible. However, the worst thing pregnancy did to my body was to my teeth. I knew it was bad. I could tell I had issues with my teeth so I just avoided the dentist and learned what teeth I could and could not use!  Calvin told Hobbes..."I'm not in denial! I'm just very selective about the reality I see!". Well I caved and went to the dentist last summer. It was bad. I had nine cavities. NINE! Like cat lives and I had used all mine up. They were all over and some were in trickier places than others. Dr. Smith (a very nice jovial dentist but nonetheless a dentist who did not call my Goddess) recommended I quickly get them taken care of....so today, five months later, they are all filled in.

I had planned on getting them taken care of quickly but I stupidly decided to let Dr. Smith do the ones on the right side all at once. Not the top right...not the bottom right...just the right side. So that meant he filled in four cavities in one long three hour sitting. So much pain. I hurt for weeks after. He didn't just fill in cavities with cement but with demons to torment me. My ear ached my jaw ached my head ached. pretty sure I could hear dead people. I lost my nerve after that experience...after all I could chew all my food quite happily on the right side. This system worked great until the left side of my mouth jolted upright if a cold gust of wind blew into my unsuspecting open mouth. So I went back and did just the bottom left. Too bad the bottom half of my mouth would not go numb so he gave it all he had...meaning several long needles worth of foul tasting goo injected into my gums. So those two cavities on the bottom left had me in just as much agony as when Dr. Torture did the whole right side of my mouth. As I mentioned earlier...today I got the last three filled. Joe went out and got me an Slurpee right after G fell asleep, which I am now tentatively drinking and trying to keep myself from rinsing and spitting after every sip. The one good thing that has come from this dental nightmare is that I have cut waaayyyyy back on my soda consumption. Oh and Gemma. I would get them all filled in again for Gemma. When I got home I told her my mouth hurt very bad so we were going to snuggle and watch a show. She ran to the hall closet, stuck a unicorn band aid over my mouth, kissed me, and declared me all better. It helped too.

 
The moral of the story is:
1. Even if pregnancy is making you sick all day and the sight of a toothbrush makes you gag, brush anyway.
2. Don't sip your soda, just chug it and then rinse your mouth out
3. eat gummy candy and suckers if you want to but rinse your mouth out after
4. learn how to discreetly rinse and spit in public
5. go to the dentist every six months
6. Only go to a Dentist that refers to you as Goddess
7. Find a dental office with TVs on the ceiling
8. throw away your toothbrush after you are sick
9. neglect is expensive

Thank You

Gemma does and says many things that I love. I wish I could freeze her and keep her how she is now forever. Something that she does that I particularly love is that she says thank you if you compliment her.
C: "Gemma you are so smart!"
G: "Thank You!"
C: "G I love your outfit"
G "Thank you!"
...and so on and so on. I hope this is something that sticks with her from age to age. I am not sure where she picked this up. Not from me! When someone compliments me I tend to negate it and defend my flaws. If I was a lawyer I know I could convince any jury that my flaws were as blaring to the world as they are to me and anyone paying me a compliment must be insane! I do not have the grace to say thank you, smile and move on.
I have a friend who can smile and say thank you just like G does. You can say "oh Caitlin your talk was amazing!" and she smiles and says "thank you!" or "Caitlin your outfit is so classy!" and she says "thank you". When I first met her I pulled a When Harry Met Sally and thought "I'll have what she's having"...she must be on the best anti depressant ever because no one can just smile and say thank you. But as time went on and our friendship deepened I learned that she was in fact not on any antidepressant just confident and gracious. It is one of my favorite things about her. I tried it for a while but it is hard to break the habit of rebuffing any nicety thrown my way.

Joe has been out of town for the last few days and I am blown away by my tribe. Friends text, call, babysit, and bring treats. My family invites us for dinner, watches Gemma so I can teach and my mom has taken me out for dinner twice! I wish I lived around the corner from my mom. It is the best when she comes to town. Gemma is a huge fan too. My mom may live far away but she makes a huge effort with Gemma. She calls and facetimes weekly, sends presents, and fusses over her when we are all together. She teaches me about motherhood and gives me ideas of new things to try. I feel very lucky to have such an attentive mom. I am always sad when she goes back home.

I've had a few friends message me about Joe's travel. Yes it is true that he goes to beautiful cities all over the world and stays at nice hotels. However, his trips usually lead him in and out of airports, convention centers and a few restaurants. He usually starts his day around seven and ends it around one in the morning. He comes home totally exhausted. So while I do fight some resentment towards his travels I have to remind myself that he isn't sight seeing, or sleeping in (although he is sleeping uninterrupted without a toddler's little foot in his face). I know that Joe is aware of my desperate need to see everywhere and experience new places. I know our day will come to travel together. Sweet husband of mine truly would take me on every trip if he could and that makes all the difference to me. 

So to all these people who see me and are part of my tribe...THANK YOU! Your support is so important and helpful. I love my people. 

Always Stay Humble and Kind

Tim McGraw sings so many of my favorite songs but "Humble and Kind" wins hands down.  I feel like our world is becoming harder by the minute. The news has become unbearable to watch as there is nothing I can do to solve the Syrian war or school shootings or the Political circus or the Kardashians. Side note: could America please choose a classier group to be obsessed with next time? I am so sick of hearing about them everywhere. Anyway...it is a scary place to be and this can feel so overwhelming to me. I always thought that somehow I would be able to make a difference in it but thus far the only way I figure that I can, is to be kind and to teach Gemma to be kind.

I had a friend post a story on facebook about her sweet autistic son who had gotten bullied at an activity. He has become aware of his loneliness and some of these boys know him and still chose to stand by and do nothing. If just one boy had stood by him walked with him  eaten with him listened to him as he talked about his extensive lego knowledge then this sweet little boy would feel he had a friend. When I read that post I couldn't help but feel so angry. I have people close to me who live this too. Friends are not easy to come by because of physical limitations. If only we were kind to each other. She has started a movement to Make Kindness Cool Again. I am on board with this. In my young women's Class I see my girls act unceasingly kind to each other. It is so inspiring to me to see good kids doing good things being good people. I know kindness and good is out there....I like to believe that there is more kindness than bullies but the news doesn't report on kindness. 

In Kate Forsyth's book The Witches Of Eileanan, she wrote, "May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave". I love this as a personal Mantra. When I read this book a few years ago I copied these words onto a post it note and hung it in my room. I found that note a few days ago and hung it back up. Being kind to others is not an original idea. It is a commandment we teach it to our children Ellen uses kindness as her platform and recognizes people for it...so really nothing about this post is original. I just feel like there needs to be an all over outcry for kindness right now. As I can only control myself
(and Gemma on occasion) the outcry begins with me. Literally. The daily part of my day where I pick myself apart needs to end and the mom guilt that should stop too. Feeling like I can quickly move into impatience with my two year old should stop....impatience in general. Someone who truly exemplifies kindness to me is my little sister. Going out in Public with her is a joyful experience. We will be mid conversation when she stops, turns to the lady in front of us and says something like,

"you have the most beautiful hair!'
or
"Your outfit is so cute!"
or
"I just wanted to stop and tell you that you have such a happy smile."
or
"You guys are the cutest couple"

I could give you a million other examples but I think you get it. I have this game that I play...after she says her random words of kindness I look at back at the person she just talked to. Without fail that person is happier. Smiling bigger, standing taller, a hair flip or two...one lady had tears in her eyes. I am so obsessed with words and quotes and books. I have files and files of words that I love and that make me feel something but my sister wins because she puts words into actions and is actively kind. She is living "May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave" whereas I have pinned to my mirror. 

So as I struggled with what to do after the last school shooting I decided to live this quote. Like my sister I am trying to say the kind thing I think about the people surrounding me, take time to feel grateful, appreciate my healthy working body more, and serving in a way I usually only think about. You know how you see those facebook statuses that say Someone paid for my drink today and it made my day! I have always wanted to do that so now I am. It seems small but maybe it will add to my brave bank and lead to bigger and better. 

Back it up Buddy

It blows my mind how much Gemma picks up. My sister casually said "Back it up Buddy" to me one day and now it Gemma's New phrase. She tells me 100 times a day to back it up buddy with stop in the name of love hand gesture. It is so funny....well it was. Now after the third time of hearing it I can think of a different hand gesture I think is appropriate to accompany it.

I haven't blogged in a while. Not because I was SOOOO busy or didn't have anything to say...I just haven't. I have no good excuse. Luckily my fans (shoutout to you mom) told me to get back at it again. So here I am playing catch up as the last two months have been quite eventful.

First off, Joe took Gemma and I to Disneyland for my birthday and it was probably the best day ever. Disneyland is just a completely different ballgame with a toddler. Everything was amazing and fun and magical and beautiful.  I teared up entering the park...yes I am that girl. Gemma wanted to ride every ride and giggled and laughed and threw her hands in the air. So Proud. Meeting Cinderella and Minnie mouse were the highlights for her and watching her every second was mine....or eating a soft pretzel filled with cream cheese dipped in cheese was. I can't decide. While we were in California we soaked up as much sun as we could and spent as much tome at seal beach as we could. G continues to be fearless running into the waves, talking to all the people and for a blissful hour fell asleep wrapped in a towel. My whole family eventually came to California for my niece3 and nephews baptism which was so much fun. I don't see my California niece and Nephew enough so it was fun to play with them. I just need a couple million already so I can move their someday. California is the best.

When we got home from our warm vacation Gemma got sick for a while making us feel like hermits as we hid at home trying to avoid any contact with flu infested Utah. G has been loving her dance class. She talks about it all week and leaves class with the biggest smile and it is usually a fight to get her to surrender her ballet shoes to me. She and I are ready for winter to be over. I need some ninety degree weather right about now. While trapped inside, G has been working on toilet training. She is the most stubborn person I have ever met. She will go when she's ready on her terms her way wearing the panties that suit her current mood which changes about 500 times a day...sometimes she's feeling Minnie or elsa or Cinderella. Next time I am buying all pink underwear and that will be that. She is really motivated by prizes and stickers. Every time she successfully uses the toilet she gets a sticker till she fills up a row then she gets to choose a prize. It worked really well till she caught on and thought that just by going into the bathroom and flushing the toilet warranted a sticker. The best part of this whole experience though has been that whenever I go to the bathroom she jumps up and down and cheers and tells me good job. It is oddly satisfying.

Besides that my life is busy with the mom gig and teaching lessons at night or hanging out with the Young women of my ward. In November I got my dream calling (is that even a thing?) as The Mia Maid leader. It is a full time job....That pays nothing but you spend a lot of money anyway. It is so rewarding and fulfilling though. I love it and I love my girls. Teaching them on Sunday is still intimidating as all get out but I am getting better. It is an odd position to be in...I feel 15 most of the time so how am I qualified to teach them anything? They offer me tons of support and encouragement though as I learn. My handout are on point though. Candy is key. When I was a young women I think I missed the point of mutual and young women's activities....but I get it now and I recognize all the hard work and time and money that went into everything. I had great leaders who taught awesome lessons. I remember so many of them and kept most of the handouts. It is fun to pull them out and try to recreate them.

So now that I have backed it up for you buddy I hope to resume blogging on a weekly schedule to talk about what floats around in my brain. I do use this blog as a journal which is why I felt obligated to document our life a little bit.

Late Twenties

I am one of those people who has always declared her birthday as a national holiday. I don't go to school or work or obligations on my birthday, calories don't count chores don't get done and shopping  happens. Well this year I was not feeling it. I didn't even stay up till midnight and dance it out to my designated birthday song (gasp). I fell asleep last night telling Joe that I didn't even care about the next day. I had zero expectations and no requirements.  Now step into Joe's shoes for a minute...he's married to the birthday freak! Every year he has to come up with new ways to surprise and make me happy for my special holiday. He has done pretty well over the years surprising me with great gifts  and concerts and shopping sprees. I know my birthday stresses him out so I thought I was giving him a nice out this year. I was not interested in celebrating my entrance into (gulp) my late twenties. So I went to sleep next to a frustrated husband who had the mother load planned for the next day aka today. My twenty seventh birthday.

I sleepily woke up to an empty bed at nearly ten am this morning. Where was Gemma? Probably down stairs bugging Joe while he worked. I picked up my phone and had a text from Joe which said...happy birthday massage at noon! Ooh a great start to birthday. Gemma and joe walked into my room singing
"happy birthday to you happy birthday to you MOM happy birthday to you!"
Everything is better with kids. It's so true. Next joe made me breakfast as I got ready for my surprise massage! After one of hour of relaxing bliss joe and G met me for lunch...remember calories don't count on your birthday. As I had met joe and Gemma they left in one car and I left in another to aimlessly wander stores alone for an hour or so. When I arrived home Gemma was having a nap, joe was doing laundry and had cleaned the whole house! What a man. By the way...he had taken the day off of work to make sure I could go and do whatever I wanted to do Gemma free. As I laid around the house eating swig cookies and relaxing joe made a steak dinner which he had shopped for and prepared. Sorry ladies he is taken...forever. Because lobsters mate for life...and mine makes me steak on my birthday.
From 6-8 I had adult like obligations such as lessons and meetings. G and joe waited up for me to eat a nothing bunt cake and sing to me. Now joe is putting gemma to bed. The man outdid himself and I'll never ask for my birthday to be skipped again now that I know what he is capable of!

Im not a huge New Years resolution fan but I love goals, change, and challenges. I have many things I would like to improve and change this year. Number one being life style changes. How I eat and maybe add some exercise. I would like to try something new, launch a blog, travel...but most importantly I want there to be some follow through. This is my weakness. I get so passionate and excited about something but then it fizzles and fades like a new year sparkler. So I have tried to make bite sized goals for each month. January included: counting calories and learn about meal prepping and nutrition. February will add vitamins and less sugar. By March I hope to have convinced myself that I can love some form of exercise! This is as far as I have planned. On top of the health goals I have reading goals and religious goals and travel goals...biting off more than I can chew is my specialty. In December I hope to be able to report that something stuck. I hope to report that I no longer eat candy with and between each meal, that I read five great books, that I saw something new, and that I'm stronger and more peaceful.

So cheers to my late twenties. It's going to be good.
Shout out to my amazing loving wonderful husband. I'm the luckiest.

Tattooed Words of a Prophet

I remember the day that President Hinckley died. I went to a predominantly Latter Day Saint High school. The day after he passed away most of my school showed up in church dress unprompted...we just did it to show respect for a man we all loved. When President Monson was called as the next president of the church I sustained him and knew I would follow his counsel but it was a struggle because it wasn't President Hinckley. However, I am one of the lucky ones who had a face to face with President Monson that changed my life.

 Joe grew up in President Monson's home ward. He was his home teacher growing up. When we were dating he drove me by the Monson home on the back of a motorcycle. My mother n law still attended that ward and would report when President Monson would come to the home ward. She said that usually he would sneak in the back and slip back out again. I told her that next time he showed up to text me so I could come to the sacrament meeting.

Everyone has dark or hard times in their life. I of course am included. A few years back I was having some struggles in life. I was a newly wed and although very happy I had gained weight, so much of life was different, and some other details I will exclude from the Internet. Well on one particular Sunday I was really struggling. I was wearing my least favorite dress and a ponytail. While usually I am a ponytail fan I don't like wearing one on Sunday. I felt heavy and lonely that Sunday and relief society wasn't helping. My phone buzzed and the box on the screen said,
"He's here."
I ran to the car on the while texting Joe to meet me at the car STAT which he did. We drove out to Joe's home ward and there on the stand sat President Monson. As I scooted in next to Joe and my mother n law I couldn't stop smiling. Apparently he rarely sits on the stand and even more rare is that he would speak but on this Sunday he did both. He stood up and bore his testimony on our Savior's love for each of us. That he knew each of us individually and cared deeply about our heartaches and struggles. I couldn't help but let a few tears slip through. It was as if he spoke directly to me.

As the meeting ended Joe grabbed my hand and said,
"Let me introduce you"
We stood in front of the prophet and Joe reminded him who he was and President Monson warmly shook his hand recalling who my husband was. Then Joe turned to me and said this is my new wife Collett. President Monson clasped both my hands in his looked me in the eyes and said
"You are a good one."
He said goodbye and walked away as I stood motionless in complete awe.
I am a good one.The prophet told me so. It didn't matter that I was wearing my least favorite dress and a ponytail anymore...I was a good one. My heart and soul...they are good ones! A good one.

I have joked with Joe that I want to tattoo you are a good one on my arm ever since. The irony is not lost on me. But, I love words...especially life altering ones. This experience was altering for me. I don't doubt myself, I know Heavenly father thinks I am a good one. On bad days when I forget I just remember these five words and I can easily pick myself back up and move forward with happiness and hope.

So last night when I heard news that he had passed away I felt immediately sad just as I had when president Hinckley died. Because he was my prophet and the spirit confirmed it to me through this experience. Don't worry Dad I did not go get my tattoo today although I wanted to. Instead I spent a large part of today reading talks and quotes from President Monson. If I did everything he said I am sure I would lead a very happy and fulfilled life. Perhaps I should throw out my new years goals and rewrite them to include life lessons from president Monson.

I look forward to the announcement of the new President of the church and sustaining him with vigor and no hesitation.